Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Stuck - Again

So it turns out that I can't seem to make this post be what I want it to be despite many revisions. I think I may just go ahead and post it so that I can move on. No great reflections here just a random collection of thoughts. Read at your own risk but please know that I am not looking for sympathy here, I am just trying to clear my head.


About 11 months ago I wrote a post on this blog called Stuck about how "stuck" I was feeling in my job at the time. I realized recently that I am still stuck and have been since that time - none of the things on that list have gone away or been resolved. Most of the posts I have added to this blog have been posts that I wrote for my classroom blog. I can write on that blog for parents but I can't seem to be able to write more reflective posts here.

What really brought home to me just how "stuck" I am was being asked to take part in some online blogging challenges going by the names of Sunshine Award or PLN Challenge. I had fun reading the posts of others who accepted this challenge and so appreciated being asked to participate by Rose and Judi. When I actually sat down to write my 11 random facts about myself, I was shocked to see what came out. You know how the act of writing sometimes actually brings out what you are thinking even when you aren't aware of it yourself? Well, that is exactly what happened to me. My list was a very sad list of things that had happened to me over the last few months and years. I knew then that I was depressed even if I was able to carry on with my day to day life and act very positive. So needless to say, I ended up not participating in the challenge.

A few other things that have happened that may also have contributed to my "stuck" feelings have also helped me change my perspective and outlook on many things. Last month was the shooting at Arapahoe High School. My husband teaches there so the impact on my family was rather intense and while we still have moments of great sadness, we know that we need to appreciate each day we have with each other. (For more details of this event, see my husband's blog post about it, 12.13.13 or Judi's blog post about it, Teaching Tip...It's Okay to Cry - Judi is my daughter's Language Arts teacher and tells the story about how that day unfolded for my daughter.) The other more recent thing that happened was that I was hit by another car while I was waiting at a stoplight. No one was hurt and my car had minor damage but it was extremely scary to be slammed into the middle of the intersection when I was hit.

I have been using these events to remind myself to appreciate each day and each moment because we truly don't know how many moments we have. So while there is still sadness, there is also gratitude. These events help me put into perspective the "things" that are making me feel stuck in my job (as listed in the previous Stuck post). They help me put into perspective a rough start to this year that included a very contentious school board election and lots of resulting fallout from that (including a very, very uncomfortable district-wide professional development day last Friday).

I thought I had a specific purpose in finally returning to this blog and trying to reflect and write. It may have just been that I realized the other day that I was once again writing reflective blog posts in my head. I sort of feel like I can't move on and begin to write those reflective posts until I get some of this out (and not nearly as eloquently as I wrote it out in my head earlier).

Maybe now I can move on to writing other posts. Time will tell if I am finally unstuck.

3 comments:

  1. Hope is the thing with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the tune without the words,
    And never stops at all. - Emily Dickenson
    -Emily Dickenson

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  2. I think you've really put into words how many of us feel on a regular basis. We feel like work and life could be puppy dogs and rainbows, but then there are some clouds and severe "weather." It can be hard to keep smiling. I hope you are feeling better about your work, and my heart goes out to everyone at Arapahoe.

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